Random entries of my life

I can't believe this.

2008-09-20T05:03:10Z

Two years.

The yellow sunlight trickling through the window, swaying, dancing, brides on the wall, sunflowers in their hair. Smiles.

What can be said? Or more to the point, what should be said? Every time I complete a circle I claim I've changed but of course I haven't. Anyway, I don't want to blur the contours of myself anymore.

I should either work, or sleep, but not both at the same time.

University rocks!

Yay, I'm hot! (hahaha, I was bored, ok)

2006-11-09T07:26:01Z

A post! Finally!

2006-09-04T07:31:16Z

I know it's been ages, and I've been feeling terribly guilty. I've been a bit stressed out with work lately and panicy, (when i consider that i've spent 6 hours writing 2 bars of my stupid composition i don't have to wonder why).
What's news?
I'm coming to Melbourne soon, yay!
Steve Irwin died today. Which is very sad.
being in the Boy From Oz has been absolutely awesome! Singing with Hugh Jackman is such a cool experience. I love being backstage and seeing all the people running around in costumes with props and things.

Yeah, in a nutshell, that;'s the news of the moment. I'd better get back to work cause i feel the stress creeping up on me again. :/

citcat299 @ 2006-08-07T19:31:00

2006-08-07T09:33:37Z

Hey everyone! I'm visiting these holidays for around a week! We're going down on the 22nd of September. I hope I'll be able to see most of you while I'm down there.

citcat299 @ 2006-08-06T17:09:00

2006-08-06T07:09:55Z

What type of Fae are you?

A cycle

2006-06-09T09:16:02Z

Well, so ends the last day before I am no longer a child. Would I do my childhood again? Yes, I would. But unfortunently I can't. I can only hope that I am more sucessful in leading a happier adulthood.

When I look back at the last 18 years I often feel as though I've gone in a loop and ended up right back where I started. But tomorrow is a new day, and how I live it is entirely up to me and nobody else. That's the one most important thing I really should learn.

NEWS

2006-03-19T01:03:54Z

I am coming to Melbourne in a few weeks, so hopefully I'll get to see most of you while I'm down there! Can't wait to catch up with you all.

After a year, pictures!

2006-01-27T14:30:27Z

Well I'd put some up if I could remember how. Which I can't. And to be honest, I don't think anyone reads this anymore anyway. Which makes me feel sad, cause I feel like I've completely lost the remainder of my Melbourne life, which I don't want to lose. Oh well.
Anyway, the guy in my icon is my best friend Steve, in one of his (many) strange picture poses. I think it comes naturally to him. hehe.
School is back in two days!!!
I'm looking forward and not looking forward to it for different reasons. It's good cause I can see all my friends more, and it's a change in routine, but it's bad cause its SCHOOL, meaning tons of work and boredom. oh well.
Why am I up so late? Because I can't sleep. As usual. And I'm really stuffed cause I've set my alarm for 7am tomorrow morning to readjust to school time. nooooo...

I've done practically nothing this week except going to a movie with everyone on Monday. Which was fun as usual.

Holidays are getting towards the end...dundundun

2006-01-12T23:15:55Z

Strangly enough, I havent been hardly using the computer at all the last week. Harry (lachies friend) came up to stay from melbourne and we've been to the surf a few times. IT IS SO ROUGH, I almost broke my neck at Mooloolaba and even though I dived under every wave they still all dumped me. It is absolutely TERRORFYING to have waves that size bear down on you. Lachie and Harry spend most of the time screaming like girls and running for the shore. Yes Tessa, you have permission to laugh.

I feel really stupid because I signed up for music extension next year meaning that I'll have to go to classes before and after school. Not only that, but it's also supposed to be EXTREMELY hard and I haven't even completed grade 2 theory yet. I can't just copy Steve's work this year either, and thats probably why I got a good mark. He won the overall music award (highest marks) for our year level. Incidently, he also won the overall award for our year in Maths B (like methods), Maths C (hardest maths), Chemistry and Physics, and won three other achedemic awards also. I think there should be a limit to the number of awards one person can recieve. I got a full colour for Achedemic endevour (sort of like credit) and a half colour for Achedemic Excellence (sort of like distinction).

I managed to go shopping with my friends, the fullertons, and saw Narnia. It was awesome! In relation to 'managed', that's because they're hardly ever allowed off their farm to go ANYWHERE. Their parents are unbelieveably strict and they have to work constantly on the farm to stop it going under. They can't wait to go back to school because that's where their social life lies. Makes me feel lucky, although I'm sort of looking forward to school too as there's always something happening. Maybe it's because it's a co-ed school, I dunno. Year 12 is scary though, even though I'm doing Y11 and 12 over 3 years.

I can't believe it's been around a year since I left. It feels like forever, which is really sad. Sometimes I feel that my ENTRIE life memories in Melbourne are fading away, which scares me badly. I feel lost sometimes, like I'm not sure who I am anymore. And that scares me more than anything else.

Woah, I am a slack updater

2005-12-11T12:19:17Z

It's late and I should be sleeping. But since when did I do that? haha. Hmmm news...HOLIDAYS!!! yes. Steve's coming over tomorrow and we're going to make ice-cream lasanga. yum!
It's been almost a year since I moved up here but it feels like a decade. I often feel caught between two lives. It's not such a good feeling.

How sad

2005-09-10T15:42:46Z

It seems the middle of the night when I can't sleep is the only time I ever update nowadays. I don't think anyone really reads this anyway :P.

Hmmmm, hecitc life as usual. Exams are over thank god. Holidays in a week!! Which would be really great, apart from the fact we're driving across the simpson desert. I hope i survive to tell the tale. oh well.

I've got two concerts next week, it's unbelievable how much stuff i've had on this term. I have no life. I'm not joking, I am in total social isolation. Sad, isn't it? But often i think maybe it's better this way. It's not like I really have much to offer people and most can't put up with me. I suppose I'm really doing the world a favour. :P

Life up here's really taking a toll on mum, she doesn't know what to do anymore since she sold her shop and she gets really depressed. I find it hard to cheer her up because I often get depressed myself. Thats not really new though, i've had that for almost 3 years I reckon. Ever since I woke up and started living in the real world.

I can't believe it, my cousin Jane is going to get proposed to tomorrow, shes going to say yes, and she's only known the guy for a month! I only found out about his existance today! Unbelievable! How time flies.

Sometimes I can't believe I'm 17. I look back and wonder where all the years went. I remember when i was 12 and where I thought I'd be at age 17 back then and laugh and laugh. I don't think i ever really made it to 13. Sad, isn't it? But that's life. And things always change, so you never know where you'll be.

I reckon what is life but one big load of bullshit anyway? Or at least, what you're made to expect life will be is bullshit. What life actually is is perverse. Everything always turns out the exact opposite way you think it will. Which is sort of amusing actually.

Sweet dreams everyone.

citcat299 @ 2005-08-20T08:19:00

2005-08-19T22:22:20Z

meme.

1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

In reponse to Rosie :P

Well, I suppose I started singing in Kinder Music. So I was aged 3/4. I sang my first solo in Year 1 (Drummer Boy) so then I would've been aged 6/7

citcat299 @ 2005-08-15T16:13:00

2005-08-15T06:33:06Z

There's so much to say, but for some reason I can't think of anything. wierd.

Oh well these next few weeks are going to be hell. I've got choir rehersals, the choir concert. Complusary excusion to brisbane this thurs night and we don't get back to school till 11:00pm!! Should be illegal to have excursions that late. And did i mention i've got my music exam the next day? Then on Saturday Flinders Fair, which i have to help out at. Next week, school camp, and the first day back (sat) is the before mentioned choir concert. Then sunday my friend Alex is having a birthday party. Then exams. groan. And i've just found out the someone in my singing group has signed us up to perform first thing next term. and we're nowhere near ready. So there'll be extra rehersals too. Oh yeah, and last weekend i had my Semi Formal and the Esteddford (singing comp). I have no idea where im supposed to fit exam revision in around all this.

Everyone today at lunch was talking about who did who at the after party and all the bitch fights and what a drag it was. Am so glad i couldn't go cause of the esteddford.

Today was such a drag. I have never felt more stupid in my life.

Had english first in which we started a new topic; satires. Sadly, It took me the whole lesson just to figure out what a satire actually was.

Then Biology, in which we went into almost incomprehensable detail about the process of respiration. It was horrible. I think you could hear the groans of dismay from the other end of the school.

Lunch, I found out that someone had entered my singing group into performing at the Gala dinner next term (see above) Went off with Sarah to find out exactly what was happening. Sarah's dad is a music teacher so we might be able to reherse at the school he teaches at with mikes and everything. Then i realised that i was EXTREMELY late for esteddford photos and got there only just in time. dunno why i bothered really. photos are evil. Alyssa had some photos from her and Sarah's b-day party. I didn't get to see them but I'm sure i look extremely stupid in them, as usual. I am not photogenic.

Sat in music today feeling completely confounded as Mr Campbell talked about diminished 7ths and relative minors in key changes. Steve attempted to explain and I was like; '...yes.' '...yeeessss.' '...er...yeah?'

He gave up, finished early, and had a sleep on the desk. I fiddled with my pencil. I have a remarkable talent in that area.

Yes, I now am home, with an endless pile of homework to do. whoot.

citcat299 @ 2005-08-09T18:48:00

2005-08-09T09:25:44Z

Well, as usual I'm stressed to the point of insanity. I don't even know why I get so stressed half the time. It's stupid. I was pretty emotional today. I suppose a few sort of major events happen. Good inspiration for poetry though.

We need to do an SATB composition for music. It looks really fun, but my lack of theory knowledge is definently going to be a problem. I wrote a poem when I was walking to a meeting at lunch, and I quite like it so I'll post it up. The person at the end is Steve, whose friendship I'm sure I wouldn't survive without lately.

She’s beautiful.
I look at myself in a passing window,
And turn away.
People pass me by,
Grimacing upon the sight of my face,
Or glancing over my shoulder,
As though I don’t exist.
I greet people as I pass,
And they look through me with no recognition,
Or pretend they didn’t hear me.
Insignificant me.
I wonder if I was pretty like her,
Would life be different?
Would people notice me?
Would people care about me?
I walk on alone,
Remembering the indifference,
Remembering the pitiful hugs,
I had to beg for,
That others got for free.
Sometimes the weight on my shoulders,
Gets so bad I can’t sleep,
I eat barely nothing,
I live in unnatural silence,
No longer having the energy to form words.
I know I can’t survive on my own,
Without comfort or support,
And sometimes I’m close to falling,
And I barely make it through,
The fear clouds my eyes
And air weighs me down.
I stumble and slow,
But keep moving forward,
The path ahead is empty.
But wait!
You’re there walking,
On the path I thought I trod alone,
And you sit on the bench looking away.
I sit down, taking it for granted you didn’t notice me.
But with eyes still fixed on the distant horizon,
You speak smiling.

“Could it be, Caitlin?”

hm, i blame lack of inspiration for this pointless subject name.

2005-07-30T12:20:40Z

Today it was Sarah and Alyssa's birthday party so we all had a picnic and went to the beach. It was really really fun apart from the unfortunate fact that I was on a sugar high for most of it hahaha. I hope I didn't scare anyone TOO badly. Anyway, we all got wet, sandy and in my case, bloody (I ran into a bush while playing touch rugby, which I still haven't quite figured out the rules to yet. I'll get there.) I conclude that my friends should get together outside of school more often. It's really late so I should probably get to bed so I can do my english tomorrow. I looked it up and found out that from like now untill next holidays, I've got solid stuff on like concerts, camp, concerts, exams and more concerts. Did I mention concerts?

Anyhow. To bed I go!

...

2005-07-23T17:51:25Z

It's 3:30am. I must be mad. I know i shouldn't have eaten all those choc mint biscuits after the dance music from next door woke me up...

Anyhow, i watched House Of Wax today with my cousin Kelly and Lachie, Lachie was one month underage so we got a friend of Kelly's to buy the ticket for him. I must say it was one of the scariest movies i've seen ever. I almost had 3 simultaneous heart attacks on at least 5 seperate occasions. I left wondering what on earth had possesed me to let Kelly drag me into seeing it in the first place. Now for a random lyrics spam from random songs. becuase im in a random mood.

hold my hand dont take off, tell me what i already know

cause nobody knows, thats how i nearly fell

its kind of getting harder to breath

im all about denial, but cant denial let me believe

...

warm skin

wolf grin

amd where were you?

can i make it right

wild eyed

i died

and where were you?

~ alone ~

...

and this time im staying

to bury the child you left

you left

let me out let the doubt

...

a mirror cracked and torn up all the pieces

but when the angels circle and begin to sing

i understand my reasons to give me wings

and fly

into the sun and sand oh god forgive me

so far away from here these crows cant find me

...

trace the shape of my heart

so it becomes more familiar to your eyes

i've been lost without you cold without your love

its taken days and nights to make me realise

citcat299 @ 2005-07-16T08:55:00

2005-07-15T22:56:57Z

I feel frusturated today.

My singing teacher has always repeated things way too many times and to the point of where it is just plain annoying, and today he tells me that he thought 'asbergers kids were supposed to be slow, but I seemed quite bright, no offense or anything.' I attempted to explain to him that this was incorrect; asbergers children are either really dumb or really bright (after all, if i was slow how on earth could I be basically topping two classes and getting A B averages (A's are way harder to get up here)) but he cut me off mid-sentence probably dismissing it as mindless babble and continued with the lesson. I left with the feeling that I've been wasting my time, and I didn't take this lightly as, especially with singing, I don't have that kind of time to waste.

There's nothing worse than being fairly smart and being treated as though you are dumb and can't understand anything without a long winded explanation. What, do I need to stick a note on my forehead listing all my grades and academic accomplishments to get through to these people?

I suppose it'll be going on for a long time so I'd better just get used to it.

citcat299 @ 2005-07-11T19:56:00

2005-07-11T10:58:21Z

I have discovered the joys of downloading guitar chords for songs and playing them on the piano! Tis a joy indeed...At least it WAS, until mum kicked me off it because 'the noise was driving her crazy' grrr. Ah well.

Schools back. And I'm sulking at the dull monotony of it all. Felt a bit down at the start of today but am a bit better now. I'm trying to enjoy this free time while it's here cause i KNOW I'm going to be buried in homework tomorrow and onwards. I just spent 45minutes washing up. It's a nightmare, I can't stand not having a dishwasher after having one my whole life up until now. Washing up is such a time waster.

Now soon I must go to bed. Hopefully the slow torturous process of term won't destory me. Then again the slow torturous process of holidays will be more likely to finish me off. Positive, aren't I? :P

Finally, holidays have began

2005-07-03T07:10:07Z

Well, I've allocated myself this one day before I start doing things and seeing friends ect just to relax and sort out my email etc. I slept in late this morning and ate a HUGE bowl of icecream with ice-magic chocolate sauce on top. yum! and I should be learning the approx 20 songs I have to memorise for various different things next term but I need to have some time to relax.
My new piano is SO much better than the old one, the constant buzzing sounds and out of key notes that never used to bother me that much REALLY annoy me now. I was going to go the the large music store at Kew Junction today to see if I could find some Tori Amos piano music but I felt too tired. I will go soon.

I am going to stay at Bronwyns farm for Tuesday and Wednesday and I'll get to see the new Berry Farm they own! I can't wait! I can't wait to see everyone who turns up tomorrow too, and Andy especially! Andy who told everyone except me that she hit a High A above top C when singing this year. :P

Well its getting dark now and I might be going over to Grannys for a sleepover, which would be great! Except there's no internet there so I can't find out who's going tomorrow, oh well we'll see who turns up. I'm very excited, cause I don't think I've seen a movie for months cause I've always got other stuff on and I've been sick.

ATTENTION ALL

2005-07-03T05:32:40Z

(I know Andys already mentioned this but)

EVERYONE, COME TO THE BALWYN CINEMA AT 10:45AM MONDAY MORNING AND I WILL MEET YOU THERE. WE WILL WATCH WAR OF THE WORLDS WHICH BEGINS AT 11:15AM, THEN AFTERWOODS WE WILL TRAM TO GLENFERRIE FOR LUNCH. PLEASE COME IF YOU CAN CAUSE ID LOVE TO SEE YOU ALL BEFORE I HAVE TO GO BACK TO QLD!

Camp (very long entry, couldn't help myself)

2005-07-02T07:27:03Z

I'm baaaaack!

Well, i lost my info sheet i didn't know they had themed days like odd day and superhero day. I improvised though, on superhero day I wore my big black raincoat and my friend Rhiannon painted big black circles around my eyes. I was the grim reaper. I think i scared the teachers because they all did a double take when they saw me. I was the most original by faar. Well i almost left behind my sheet, but then my friend and i walked past my room after we'd packed and put our bags at the door, and my friend was like 'isn't that your sheet Caitlin?' and i was like 'oops'.
Ok, I'll start from the beginning and finish at the end. :P

Well, we got there and sang and danced till really late. then we fell into bed. Throughout the camp like every 5 minutes the tutors would say 'wash your hands girls' and it became a standing joke.
We had to get up every morning in the dark to do aerobics, but unfortunently the tutors decided to get creative this year. We had different groups to go to each morning. Some were:

Leg Warmers: Aerobics. Pure hell. Doing all kinds of horrible stretches and unnatural body twists with Miss Rice yelling stuff out like "Your faces should be bright red girls. If they're not, then you're NOT WORKING HARD ENOUGH!!!" and "You SHOULD be in pain right now so don't give me that rubbish!"
I fell over three times. It was rather embarassing since nobody else did. I guess I'm just really clumsy.

Foot Loose: 40 minute cross country run in the dark at average temperatures of 6 degrees. There were one or two cars driving around (we were near the center of Ballarat) and we had to keep jogging on the spot while waiting for the lights to change. We got some wierd looks for passing motorists.

Innersouls: The wierdest and most embarrasing of the lot (was very amusing though). We were powerwalking down the street and we had to keep jumping and swinging our arms around and yelling 'INNERSOULS!!!' and when we got to the traffic lights we had to do the spirit fingers and make buzzing noises so they'd change faster. People were actually hanging out of their car windows to stare at us. Then we went to the park and did a whole lot of crazy stuff to 'welcome the sun to the new day'. Unfortunently there were a few people going on dawn walks so there was plenty of staring to go around.

Needless to day I was on a cordial high for pretty much the whole time. I even mixed different colours of cordial for some variety. Simone and I were running around at night singing: "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok! I sleep all night and I work all day! I chop down trees, I wear high heels, a spencer and a bra! I wish I be a girlie, just like my dear Papa!' Very VERY loudly. We were off our heads.

Did I mention that I got lost on five seperate occasions? ahem. And I got a cool badge for being in the top year of my choir! It's blue and has gold edging. And I sang. All day and all night.

citcat299 @ 2005-06-20T21:31:00

2005-06-20T11:37:29Z

List five songs that you are currently digging... it doesn't matter
what genre they are from, whether they have words or even if they're
any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post
these instructions, the artist and the song in your blog. Then tag five
other people to see what they're listening to.

Tori Amos - Winter
Tori Amos - Spark
Jars Of Clay - Flood
Shrek - Hallelilulah
Apocolyptica (probably spelt wrong, sorry) - hope

Tags: Anyone who wants to do it.

citcat299 @ 2005-06-20T21:10:00

2005-06-20T11:29:52Z

My entries are so infrequent. Tis very sad. As sad as the fact that Sanna signed off msn the instant I tried to talk to her. Very sad.
Anyway, It's holidays up here!! Thank goodness. I've been really sick for a few weeks now and struggling to keep up, so it was a welcome relief. I slept all day for the first couple of days.
I've been wanting to organise a rehersal for my singing group, Signify, except half the members are away this week and the other half are at band camp. Stupid band camp and holiday destinations. Next week I'll be at choir camp and the week after I'll be in Melbourne!! Hopefully I'll get to see some of you.
It was my 17th birthday ten days ago and I got a form which gave me permission to enrol to vote. I feel so very old and sad.

citcat299 @ 2005-05-19T21:42:00

2005-05-19T11:48:35Z

well, im trying not to be slack and i told myseld: UPDATE LJ YOU LAZY BUGGER!! Yes. Anyway, my life..hm, well it's been a madhouse. I've been really sick for the past two weeks (i even threw up) and they've been REALLY piling on the work by the truckload. So yes, it's fairly depressing. Um, I decided to start a singing group and I did. There's 6 of us including me (2 guys, 4 girls) and we've got a name; Signify.

hm, I've just been talking on msn to Andy, Steven and this random exchange music guy from Melbourne who's staying at Steven's house. It was quite a bit confusing until I'd figured it out cause I thought i was talking to Steven. Apparently he was there behind the other guy the whole time. Probably laughing himself silly. I'll pay him back for this...I'll just have to think of something good first. hmm

citcat299 @ 2005-05-08T19:35:00

2005-05-08T10:16:48Z

Hi everyoone! It's been aaaaages.

I feel like I have no time anymore. :(

Well, work and the musical and life in general has definently kept me on my feet. The musical was a blast! It was three nights, and strangly enough, the middle night was the best. Apparently thats very unusual. Anyway, it had a very good reception and quite a lot of funny stuff happened. Such as Calamity Jane accidently throwing a glass of lemonade into the pit and it landed on Stevens little brother Phillip who was playing the drums, but he kept on playing which was good. And one of the bartenders accidntly smashed a bottle. And someone fell over a chair. But all went well, and we had fun. We've got photos too and of course everyone looks good in them except me.

um, I've been desperately trying to catch up on assignments this week, without a lot of sucess. sigh. And guess what?! I'm trying to start a sort of small acapella singing group! I've got 5 people interested; Zoe, Sarah B, Steven, Mesh and Alyssa. With me that makes 6, 2 people per part. Only thing is i have to get it organised and figure out a rehersal time and stuff. But i will eventually get it together. When I have time. Anyhow, I gtg have dinner now. I miss you all,

Caitlin